WFH Couples: Nurturing Love, Work, and Connection in 2024 in the evolving landscape of blending your career and love life, the shift toward remote work has not only transformed our professional lives, but also the intimate dynamics within our relationships.
For couples navigating the dual realities of partnership and professional obligations from the same space, the last few years from 2020 – 2023 were those of learning, adaptation, and profound insights for many of us.
The intertwining of love and work, when both are stationed within the same walls, poses unique challenges and opportunities. Drawing upon the wisdom shared in Diane Poole Heller’s The Power of Attachment, this post explores the art of maintaining and nourishing relationships amidst the demands of working from home. I’ve attended a few of her online workshops and Heller’s work on attachment styles (and trauma resolution) provides invaluable lessons for couples working from home, emphasizing the power of connection, understanding, and resilience.
Don’t take the words trauma too seriously in this context as it pertains to WFH couples. Although some of the couples I see in sessions have shared in comical ways, that the transition to working from home together had its, “traumatic moments” from time to time as they, “drive each other nuts”. Now relieved that they can laugh about it together, there was certainly times when coaching them through the need for deeper communication in setting healthy boundaries, for example, are just one way they benefited greatly.
Balancing Somatic Connections with a Sexy Work Space
For many couples, the initial joy of spending additional time together and escaping the daily grind of office hours and commuting hours better spent snuggling in the early mornings, quickly evolved into a quest for personal space and uninterrupted work hours. The key to balancing this lies in respecting each other’s need for solitude and engagement. Establishing dedicated workspaces and setting clear boundaries around work hours can safeguard both productivity and the personal connection.
A dedicated work space might include the following:
- Ergonomic Furniture: Invest in a comfortable chair and a sturdy desk that promote good posture. This can greatly reduce physical strain and foster a more productive work environment. Be sure you check it’s weigh limit too. A good chair might also be able to bear the weight of you & your partner during a sexy quickie on your lunch break!
- Adequate Lighting: Ensure your workspace is well-lit with natural light, if possible, complemented by task lighting. Good lighting can reduce eye strain and improve focus and mood. I suggest my couples invest in a LED light bulb to quickly close the curtain (if you wish depending on your core desires) and change the mood instantly to something sexier such as red for example.
Maintaining Intimacy Amidst Routine
The seamless blending of work and home life risks turning the thrilling into the mundane. Keeping the romantic spark alive requires intentional effort. Scheduling regular date nights, even if they’re at home, and finding new hobbies to explore together can reintroduce excitement and anticipation into the relationship.
Like any activity you intend to perfect over time that is intended to enhance your life it requires practice, sex is no different. Plan time to hook up throughout the day. Planning to be spontaneous may sound a little silly at first, but couples report to me that actually increases their sex drive when they have something exciting to look forward too, without knowing exactly when their partner is going to “surprise” them. The anticipation all depends on how well you know what turns your partner on afterall.
Creative ways to still feel spontaneous with your partner while WFH might include:
- Plan to be spontaneous with your mutual advances during certain hours of the day when your workload is lightest and you can easily step away.
- Select a specific day of the week or month, such as the 3rd Friday for example, when you can be intimate together and step away from the computer momentarily for a break.
- Allow yourselves to have zero expectations. Meaning, a makeout session could suffice until time permits for a longer experience together.
- Find pleasure in the little things.
The Ebb and Flow of Sex Drive
The pressure and stress of work can often dampen one’s sex drive as well, especially when the home doubles as an office. Understanding and communicating about each other’s changing needs and desires without judgment paves the way for a compassionate and fulfilling sexual relationship too.
This is where Heller’s insights into attachment styles can offer a roadmap to deeper connection and understanding, reminding us that our reactions to stress—including changes in sex drive—are influenced by our unique ways of connecting with others. Like I mentioned above, sex is like any other activity, without regular practice you are both likely to forgot the skill involved and practice makes perfect after all.
Be gentle with one another if you’ve made an effort and your partner is not reciprocal. It takes time to adapt to this new work life balance model and keep your sex drive in tact. If you have already explored all the suggestions above and are educated about / ruled out medical dysfunction, perhaps it is time to hire a coach? I help couples develop plans to set them up for success when it comes to bringing more, great sex, back into their relationship and lives.
Transforming Challenges into Opportunities for Growth
Perhaps the most profound lesson 2023 taught me is that every challenge presents an opportunity for growth. Working from home with your partner can become a catalyst for strengthening your relationship. It allows for a deeper understanding of each other’s professional personas, vulnerabilities, and strengths. Adopting a growth mindset enables couples to leverage these insights to nurture their partnership.
Testimonial:
“I love when my husband listens behind my office door secretly before entering to ensure I am not on an important call before barging in. If he hears silence on the other end, he takes a little peek. I pretend not to notice he is there. Then he bursts in to do nothing more than give me a kiss and say he loves me. Then just as quickly he’s gone. There is not time for me to even respond most days. He just disappears and I love the effort involved since his office is in the basement and mine is on the 3rd floor.”
Harnessing the Power of Attachment
Understanding one’s attachment style, as Poole Heller suggests, is crucial in navigating the complexities of work and love under the same roof. Recognizing how trauma/past negative experiences shape our connections and responses to stress, can unlock pathways to healing and deeper intimacy. By engaging in practices that promote grounding, presence, and open communication, couples can foster a safe and supportive environment, crucial for thriving together in close quarters.
Now that one or both of you are WFH, each time you are triggered it offers a unique opportunity to grow and expand in your relationship. Ask yourself every time your partner triggers you, why does that bother me? What about this interaction is making me crazy or pissing me off?
Not sure where to start? Set up a FREE 20 minute consultation and we can dive into understanding your own attachment style and that of your partners. Ultimately you will discover what is driving you apart and/or what attracts you to each other all over again!
Conclusion
As we move into the second half of 2024, the experience I’ve garnered from the previous years equipping WFH couples with a deeper understanding of the intricacies of balancing love & work within shared spaces has allowed me to bring more pleasure back into thier lives. Inspired by the teachings of Diane Poole Heller, I believe the path forward is paved with empathy, intention, and a commitment to continual growth—both individually and together, and plenty more sex of course! Taking a somatic or body based approach means adding more touch too. Something I am deeply passionate about and able to help couples explore together during in-person sessions.
In the intricate dance of maintaining a healthy work-life balance and nurturing a loving relationship, it’s clear that communication, understanding, and a shared willingness to adapt are the cornerstones of success in all facets of one’s personal and professional life. How has your communication with your husband or partner(s) been lately? May this year continue to bring a renewed sense of connection, love, and mutual success in all your endeavors. And, if you need a little extra advice, you know where to find me.
For those navigating the shared waters of love and remote work, remember that every day offers a new opportunity to weave together the threads of your relationship into a stronger, more vibrant tapestry and sometimes a sex & relationship coach. Here’s to finding harmony, joy, and unbreakable bonds.
