A glimpse into the diverse & evolving world of singlehood.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, the romantic landscape for single Americans unveils a diverse spectrum of preferences.
As we take a glimpse into the diverse and evolving world of being single, we review the many shades of single on Valentine’s Day. It’s important to note there might be pressure to have a romantic partner. This can seem overwhelming for many single people. Others who are already attached equally feel there may be high expectations from partners they should meet. It’s all just so exhausting, right? However, the reality is that people define romance differently now, particularly single Americans. From those who relish their independence to those actively seeking a soulmate and everything in between. Let’s explore the different facets of the diverse and evolving spectrum of singlehood on this Valentine’s Day.
Insights from a Pew Research Center survey conducted in July 2022 shed light on the dynamics of singlehood. It reveals intriguing patterns & shifts in attitudes towards being part of the ‘singles scene’ on Valentines. The survey further indicates that roughly three-in-ten U.S. adults find themselves unattached, a statistic that has remained unchanged since 2019.
First, on the spectrum of preferences are those single individuals who are perfectly happy being alone. Often referred to as “self-partnered,” these individuals have discovered the joy of being their own best companion. They relish the freedom and flexibility to pursue their passions and interests, without the constraints of a relationship. This Valentine’s Day they may treat themselves to a solo vacation or indulge in a decadent spa day. Buying themselves beauty products or gifts and celebrating the love they have for themselves is also common. Self love is by far the best love one can give themselves. It also set us up for success if/when we decide to become partnered.
Somewhere in the middle of the spectrum are those who are open to a relationship but not actively seeking one. These individuals understand the value of connection and companionship but are not willing to compromise their personal goals and values to find it.
In Somatic Coaching we call this: Individuation Theory. They may enjoy going out on dates or meeting new people, but ultimately, they prioritize their own autonomy and self-care.
While this is important for a variety of reasons, if the single decides to stay in a relationship that’s presented itself, longer than expected, their partner may perceive this behavior as selfish in the long run. This can require some repair around the relationship’s foundation later. Therefore, it’s a great idea to engage a relationship coach like Dovie Gena, while single. Set healthy boundaries in the beginning. Relationship coaching isn’t just for couples. An understanding and balance of individuation and attachment styles, needs and dependencies/bias’s is necessary for a cohesive and successful partnership to thrive. The moderate single may just end up spending time with friends or family, enjoy a favorite hobby, or simply relax with a good book.
If we continue unraveling the shades of singles by age, the data shows that adults under 30 are more likely to be single. A substantial 47% falling into this category. In contrast, jump to one year later and those individuals between 30 and 49 are the least likely to be single at 21%! What a difference a year can make. The interplay of age and gender further highlights that 63% of men under 30 describe themselves as single, compared to 34% of women in the same age bracket.
This brings up the question, who’s being honest here, men or women? Or, perhaps men & women are defining singlehood differently for themselves and for one another in a contemporary landscape. Your lived experience and truths are valid through your own lense of life after all.
Delving into racial and ethnic disparities, the research notes that 47% of African American adults report being single. This is a figure higher than other racial and ethnic groups. This highlights the multifaceted nature of singlehood, influenced by a variety of demographic factors that exist as well.
On the other end of the spectrum are those who are actively looking for a romantic partner. This group of individuals has a clear vision of their ideal mate and are actively taking steps to pursue that goal. They may be using dating apps, attending singles events, or asking friends to set them up. This Valentine’s Day, they may be excited to go on a first date with someone who checks all their boxes or choose to take the next step with a current partner.
Examining the online dating landscape, nearly half of single-and-looking adults have embraced digital platforms. In fact, 45% have used online dating within the past year. Younger singles, under 50, lead in online dating usage, with 53% having engaged in this modern approach compared to 26% of their older counterparts. Check out our post on Navigating Modern Dating for more on this topic!
Even among those open to romantic pursuits, preferences diverge: 22% are open to both committed relationships and casual dates, 13% exclusively seek commitment, and 7% are only interested in casual dates. Which category best describes you? Does the presence of a holiday such as Valentine’s shift your personal preferences at all?
A significant finding reveals that a majority of single adults, a whopping 57%, are not actively seeking a relationship or casual dates. Reasons for this range from enjoying the freedom of single life to having other higher ranking priorities. Are you single? Why not seek a relationship? Ask yourself what you enjoy the most about being single and why, as great internal checks and balances exercise. What are your other priorities and why do they take precedence over a relationship?
Furthermore, the research identifies a decline in the percentage of single Americans actively seeking romantic connections compared to 2019. This shift is primarily attributed to a decrease among single men, who are now 11 percentage points less likely to express interest in committed relationships or casual dates. In my practice, men often express various reasons for not wanting to be in a committed relationship. Why would they commit to one partner when they can have many as casually as they would like? The same holds true for some women.
One such reason for men I hear often is that the US legal system & framework is outdated and less evolved. It recognizes the rights and responsibilities of men in marriage, but does not accurately reflect the contributions of women in the household or workforce any longer. Hence, favoring them over men, should their committed relationship/marriage end if divorce or separation. Fears of having their parental rights compromised also tops the list. This is especially for men who believe they would make great fathers and role models, with an pre-existing vested interest in having a family, they hesitate. A shift in gender norms and unfamiliar power structures have also changed. This is the third most common reason I hear that men avoid committed relationships.
Lastly, there are those who fall into a group that doesn’t fit neatly into any one category. This group can include individuals who have recently come out of a long-term relationship, those who are still healing from a past trauma or loss, or those who simply prefer to live in a state of ambiguity. This Valentine’s Day, they may choose to take a break from the dating scene, focus on their personal growth, and/or embrace the uncertainty of their journey. Embracing ambiguity in your life and the world around you is a very healthy state of mind.
If all else fails, buy a houseplant and unlock love in every leaf! Plants are our love language. They can elevate any celebration or be a daily reminder that you were born to be wild, single and free.
If your currently attached, Order by February 7th for complimentary guaranteed delivery by Valentine’s Day through our partners at The Sill. They were founded on the premise that plants make people happy. Plants make the perfect botanical expressions of affection.
Overall, the romantic lives of single Americans are shaped by a myriad of factors, from age and gender to ethnicity and evolving preferences. As societal dynamics continue to shift, these insights offer a fascinating glimpse into the diverse and evolving world and the various shades of singlehood in contemporary America.
